Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
