Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm passing your future prison.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
