My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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