Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
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