we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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