all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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