He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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