I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
