I skipped work to stalk him.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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