But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sorry about my life...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
