Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
