TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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