I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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