I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
