I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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