I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
