my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
