He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
