Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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