ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
