i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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