You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
two words: eviction party
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
