It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize