K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
