Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
