if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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