It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
