she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
sex in a hospital.. check
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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