Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
