A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
