I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
