I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize