ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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