you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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