Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
