you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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