bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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