I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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