So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
