I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize