im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
