I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
