I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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