I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
