Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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