Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
