You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just google imaged poop.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
