U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
