he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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