just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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