You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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