just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
