All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
