Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
