Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize