I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
