he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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