How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
