So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
