so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
