Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
