At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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