I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
