I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize