woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
